About 7 years ago, I had a day dream - I set a goal for myself. Till that day I had never ever wanted anything this badly for myself. So I did what every well meaning dream-keeper does, I hid it under my pillow and slowly nurtured it. I saw it grow all these years, and today I saw it die, unexpectedly.
The pain is crushing my heart as I write. But I want to always remember how this day felt. It's physically and mentally painless. Not a single drop of tear wants to come out of my dry eyes to my aid. But deep within I can feel someone screaming with pain.
During its life, this dream of mine, always asked more of me. It forced me to make sacrifices. It would grow jealous if I dreamt other dreams, so I had to sleep dreamless sleeps at night. As it grew, it engulfed my mind with its thoughts alone. Relentless.
But I will take a big positive from my time spent with my dream over the last 7 years. I learnt discipline; I didn't get my goal - but nobody can take away the discipline I learnt during this time. I'll take that, if that's all there is to take.
And of the negatives - it will be best if I keep my dreams tame and under a leash.
Someday I'll have a daughter, who would be exactly like Swati - in looks, thoughts and deeds. Someday she would come to me with sadness in her eyes. She would talk to me about broken dreams, and I would read her this page from my papier mache diary.
And I am back to day dreaming again :).
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